Who Do You Want to Be When This Is Over?

Indian businesswoman thinking about the future

There’s a difference between being a go-getter and being gutsy, Reshma Saujani, CEO of Girls Who Code, observes in her book, Brave Not Perfect.

“So many women stick to doing only the things at which they excel, rarely going beyond what makes them feel confident and comfortable,” she writes.

But what happens when we’re outside our comfort zones—either by choice or by circumstances, such as the challenging ones we now find ourselves in?

That’s where being brave comes in. And, that’s why we thought it a good time to catch up with Reshma, a bravery expert, and hear how she is navigating these times at home with her husband, eight-week-old baby and five-year-old son with whom she’s making time to master TikTok dances. One of several things that she said is helping her is asking the question: “Who do you want to be when this is over?” Read the interview here.

In this month’s episode of “Women Amplified,” Reshma also joins another amazing woman, Laysha Ward, executive vice president and chief external engagement officer for Target, for a dynamic conversation about why we need to give up on perfectionism to find our courage. Tune in here.

Finally, in case you missed it, here are some new resources and initiative we launched last month:

Stay strong, friends! And, if you found this helpful, please share it with someone.


More from the May 2020 Newsletter

Posted in Speaker Articles, Life on Your Terms, Embrace the Unknown, Transitions, Life Balance Tagged , |

Finding Your Bravery Now: A Conversation with Reshma Saujani

Reshma Saujani

Reshma Saujani, founder and CEO of Girls Who Code and author of Brave, Not Perfect, recently spoke with the Conferences for Women, about perfectionism and bravery in a world turned upside down. The conversation has been edited for brevity.

CFW: You’ve talked about striving for perfection as an impediment to growth. In today’s extraordinary circumstances, perfection doesn’t seem remotely possible. But does it still play a role in how women are responding to the present moment?

Reshma Saujani: Perfectionism is totally at play. The coronavirus is very hard for perfectionists and extroverts. Extroverts for obvious reasons, and perfectionists want an A on everything. If you’re working from home, with kids and dogs in the background, it’s stressing you out. When perfectionists are dealing with uncertainty, it’s also really hard.

You have to honor what you’re feeling, but be brief. If you were supposed to be at a conference and you’re not there, acknowledge that sucks. Then let it go. Also, recognize moments when anxiety hits. For me, it’s at night. Doing meditation and breathing then is helpful.

The question I keep asking myself is: Who do I want to be when we are out of this? Who do I want to be as a leader, a partner, a mother? If I can ask that question and be committed to it, then I can also play. I’ve played three innings of Whiffle ball with my son. I’ve never done that before. I’m taking voice lessons. I’m serious about mastering TikTok dances with him. Play is so important because it builds bravery and courage.

CFW: How else do we find our bravery in these unprecedented circumstances?

Saujani: I’ve been thinking a lot about how you develop courage in a crisis. Some of the tactics I talk about in the book apply. You can’t be brave if you’re tired. So, what are the things getting in the middle of your sleep now? I think it’s important to put devices away. I was on a call with work colleagues and could hear CNN in the background. I said, ‘Shut it off. Today will be as bad as yesterday.’ Playing and doing something you suck at is also important. It’s relevant to bravery and building coverage.

CFW: Strength is another good word—something we would all consider a good thing to strive for. But can expecting yourself to be strong at all times be setting yourself up for failure? Right now, after all, it seems we need to acknowledge that this situation is so much bigger than us and that it’s OK to not feel strong.

Saujani: Absolutely. I have an eight-week-old baby and a five-year-old and elderly parents with heart disease and diabetes who are five states away. I wasn’t acknowledging that I was feeling really scared. Every so often my husband would see me have a frightened look and stare off. He’d say: It’s going to be OK. And, I realized I was not acknowledging even to myself what I was feeling.

On social media, there’s so much about how to have perfect home schooling. I’m not seeing a lot of expression of fear and grief. But it’s what gets us to learn to be imperfect. If you’re constantly putting up walls, it’s just all veneer.

CFW: What has been most difficult for you in the present circumstances, and how have you been dealing with it?

Saujani: It’s frightening to bring a newborn into the world at this moment. I look at my son and think he’s frowning. He has to be picking up on us. The idea of not bringing enough joy into his life makes me feel bad.

I think it’s important to do one simple thing a day to take your mind off this. Maybe it’s one day not watching any news and watching The Tiger King on Netflix. Part of being less anxious is doing something that is totally mind-numbing.

In a moment when you have 6.6 million people unemployed and everybody is worried about their jobs, people also don’t feel they can be brave at work now or take time for themselves and that’s horrible. If I show up frazzled and afraid, that is not going to help. Self-care is important.

CFW: No one would wish these incredibly difficult circumstances on the world. But are there any opportunities for growth that you imagine could come from it?

Saujani: I think it gives us the opportunity to be still and question: Who do we want to be when we come out of this? It might be too much to answer that question today. But I think that is a good thing to think about.


More from the May 2020 Newsletter

Posted in Speaker Articles, Life on Your Terms, Embrace the Unknown, Transitions, Life Balance Tagged , |

How to Be Brave, Not Perfect with Reshma Saujani

Laysha Ward interviewing Reshma Saujani for Women Amplified podcast

In this special episode, Reshma Saujani, founder of Girls Who Code, talks with guest host Laysha Ward, executive vice president and chief external engagement officer for Target, about her new book, Brave, Not Perfect. 

This conversation took place before the outbreak of COVID-19. But we’re airing it now because it clearly speaks to the challenges many of us face today. Tune in for practical advice and inspiration from Reshma to help you navigate away from the pull of perfectionism, which will only make you more anxious, and toward a life that is bolder, braver, and ultimately happier. Read More

Play
Posted in Podcasts, Life on Your Terms, Embrace the Unknown, Transitions, Life Balance Tagged , |

What Everyone Needs in the Face of a Great Challenge

two friends practicing social distancing while smiling and hiking up a mountain

Our friend and happiness expert Shawn Achor once shared that if you view a mountain by yourself, your brain will perceive it to be 10 to 20 percent steeper than if you view it while standing next to a friend who is going to climb it with you.

Well, friends, we’re standing next to you (from six feet away, of course) as you view what might feel like a mountain of new challenges. Think of us as the friendly crew that’s helping find the best guides, tips, and inspiration to help you succeed.

That’s why this month we launched these new resources and initiatives:

We’ve also increased the frequency of our newsletter to keep you informed and connected to this vital community of women supporting women. If you know a friend or colleague who could benefit from joining us, please share this newsletter with them. New readers, sign up here.

One final note:

  • Young women from underserved communities who are prospective college students need our help now. Please consider giving to our partner, ScholarMatch.

More from the April 2020 Newsletter

Posted in Latest News, Embrace the Unknown, Transitions Tagged |

Two Important Personal Qualities for Navigating Economic Downturns

Jean Chatzky

Jean Chatzky, the financial editor for NBC’s TODAY, once conducted a large study, in partnership with Merrill Lynch and Harris Interactive, to identify what separated people who were successful—in a wide range of financial situations—from those who were not.

As you might have guessed, saving and having a financial plan was part of the answer. But so was being optimistic and resilient, Chatzky said in a recent conversation.

And, those are the skills we need now—and can cultivate now, she said. Read More

Posted in Speaker Articles, Financial Fitness, Transitions Tagged , |

5 Ways to Create the Career You Truly Want

Erica Williams Simon

At 27, Erica Williams Simon came to an important recognition. She was “successful” but not happy.

“So, I did what we are never supposed to do—especially as women, especially as black women: We’re never supposed to quit. You don’t quit. Well yes, you do and I did,” she recently said.

What she discovered in the time of self-exploration that followed was that many cultural and generational narratives had shaped her idea of what it means to be successful that had nothing to do with what she actually wanted out of life.

Now, the woman who had been listed on several “30 under 30” lists as a rising political star and TV commentator, is on a mission to help others understand the cultural stories that shape their lives and create new ones that will lead them to the life they actually want.

The author of the 2019 book, You Deserve the Truth, Erica shared these five insights with the Conference for Women: Read More

Posted in Speaker Articles, Career Choices, Transitions, Goals & Priorities Tagged , , |

Get Unstuck and Transition with Excitement | 2019 Session

The anxiety, second-guessing and often unsolicited opinions we face during times of transition are abundant and can result in a lot of self-doubt. They can also make you feel stuck and prevent you from making the small decisions that will help you get where you want to go. Social worker and psychotherapist Amy Morin will briefly share the psychological factors that contribute to our mindset when facing transition and lead a dynamic panel conversation that will explore how to think about your choices, trust your instincts and decide whether to stay the course or pivot in a new direction. Read More

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Posted in Career Choices, Transitions, Breakout Session Tagged , , , , , |

Embracing Middle Age | 2019 Session

As a new wave of women step into their mid-centuries, it’s time to reimagine and embrace female midlife – not hide from or fear it! It is a unique time to take risks, seek new purpose, find a new mentor or become one – it’s a great time to chart a course for the encore stage of life.  Together we will explore everything from career reinvention to the benefits of working across generations, from the emotional aspects associated with aging, to the physical changes that occur, including menopause and much, much more! Attendees will leave armed with the tools to adapt and embrace all that this new life stage has to offer. Read More

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Posted in Embrace the Unknown, Transitions, Breakout Session Tagged , , , , , |

The Q&A—Navigating Change in Your Career

Tiffany DotsonWith Liberty Mutual’s Dr. Tiffany Dotson

“Focus on improving instead of proving.”

Q: You talk about people finding their “true north” — or confidence in their ability to successfully lead and inspire change in themselves and others. How did you go about finding your true north?”

Given my multiple interests, I have tried many different things. It was important for me to get clear on what I do well with minimal preparation versus what gives me trouble (even if I am drawn to it.) Finally, I became OK with not being great at everything and instead I worked more towards amplifying my natural strengths and talents. Read More

Posted in Speaker Articles, Transitions, Job Advancement Tagged , , |

Navigating the Workplace in a Post #MeToo World…Now What? | Podcast

Click Play below to listen. 

In the wake of the #MeToo movement, cultural norms and workplace policies are evolving. And new questions and realities are starting to surface. Anecdotes of men avoiding women have started to proliferate. Some men wonder: Is it safe to take a closed-door meeting with a woman? Is it safe to mentor one? Join labor law leader Grace Speights for a forward-looking, 30-minute Q&A session about the workplace in a post #MeToo world. Drawing on her years of experience and her knowledge of employment best practices, she discusses how to dispel fear and mistrust to create a workplace that works for everyone. Read More

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Posted in Podcasts, Embrace the Unknown, Communication Skills, Transitions Tagged |
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